Indian Universal Truths #3

When making sweeping generalizations about Southern India, in a humorous manner, a writer could go on and on as long as you still have ideas. This will be my last Universal Truths posting even though I could make it a full time job. Enjoy.

#11 There Are 2 Only Types of Indians
India's divided into 2 distinct camps. Yes, there are regional variations in language, culture, religion and race. Sure many partition India along these obvious lines.

To someone born far away and raised in a capitalist culture, controlled by large global corporations, the true divisions in India are different. A foreign sensibility, unable to distinguish between Urdu and Tamil, sees them all pretty much the same. The differences appear in other ways.

I've been told that water quality in this country took a dramatic turn for the worse about a decade ago and now even the locals avoid it. Everyone drinks bottled water or finds themselves vomitting out a bus window adn their children born with six toes.

Enter the corporate sharks.

Indias are either in the Pepsi/Aquafina or Coca-Cola/Kinley camps.

I've been told quite fervently by some well meaning local that either Kinley or Aquafina is the best water in India and urged to drink nothing else.

This sad reality and the all too obvious problem of all the empty plastic bottles, gives one a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. The feeling of global doom seems closer here then anywhere.

#12 Back Fat is Sexy
The properly worn sari with tight half shirt and wrap, reveals large portions of the sides of the female back. Sported by all your typical portly housewives and you have visible rolls of back fat everywhere you look.

It's been the case for thousands of years, I supposed, so it shouldn't have stunned me to see a billboard for a national women's clothing store chain showing of this body part. The photo was of the back of a seated model on a colorful sweep. It was a top-notched, pro job with high production values. The model was leaning to the side and the inside curves of her back had a healthy roll.

Certainly in the US we have more then our share of visible fat in public and maybe as a result great guilt about our excesses and our less then perfect bodies.

I know first hand that a billboard like this would never fly in the States. I've photoshopped my share of fat rolls from models during my stint in advertising. The billboard in question had been lovingly retouched, skin smoothed, color corrected - the usual. The roll in this shot was proudly presented.

My conclusion: back fat is sexy in India.

Or maybe they just have a different opinion about what a little fat means. Maybe it implies success since the working schmoes here are crazily thin. Maybe they just don't have the unrealistic body issues that we Westerners do and showed the model just how she was. Real.

#13 Foreigners Don't Hail Cabs
Instead you shoo them away like gnats until you need one.

Walking down the street in Hyderabad, we had a constant stream of autorickshaws pull up and say, "Hello. Hello. Taxi? Taxi? Where you go? Come. Come!"

We'd always say "no" since if we needed to get somewhere by auto we had our own.

A few plucky driver's, when told "no, we don't need a taxi," would say, "Why?"

It brought to light thier belief that a fat, rich foreigner would certainly rather take a cab 2 blocks then walk, and for that matter, ought to.

Sometimes we'd snap and before they could say anything we'd blurt out, "Yes, can I help you? Are you lost?" They'd be shocked and not know what to say. I'd follow it up by offering to give them a break and drive them around as I was an experienced auto driver. They'd laugh.